Hello. It's me.
I’m currently camped out in front of my computer, listening to a huge storm roll in as my house rain and tree branches beat against my windows. The kids are in bed early (hallelujah) and I could finally relax if I weren’t so anxious about our giant tree getting hit by lightning and crashing down on me. While I try to redirect my anxiety elsewhere I would like to take a few minutes to write here because, honestly, I have been slacking on this whole blogging-thing.
A couple weeks ago I ordered a book about photography called The Soul of the Camera. It has been so edifying and thought-provoking that it has inspired me to be more intentional and committed to what I am putting out into the world, both my imagery and my words. I have always taken the artistic aspect of my work very seriously, devoted to the vision and the process. But if I’m being honest, my biggest struggle has always been with putting it out into the world, releasing it afterwards. For many, I know, that seems absurd. But I feel so passionately about what I do and put so much of my heart into that every single image feels like a self-portrait, like I’m putting my own soul on display for the world to see. It gets overwhelming and exhausting (hence my social media break!) but I’m coming to realize that that release is part of the process I love so much and part of what makes art meaningful--the vulnerability that comes from releasing it.
I have always aimed to create a body of work that moves its audience, that evokes true feelings, and even awakens the soul a bit. Yet, here I sit, with folders full of images that have not been seen by anyone except the subjects.
I have been seriously pursuing photography as an art for two or three years, so I know this fear and anxiety well. The fear of being seen, either misunderstood or truly known, is cradled in the very fabric of my DNA. The anxiety of judgement or being ignored is equally pervasive. They creep in at the most inopportune times, leaving heaps of deleted text and discarded posts in their wake. I’m not unused to it, but still I often do not recognize it.
But I want to.
This space is one where I often like to hide behind images of other people rather than allowing my heart to be seen.
But I want to be better. To be here and present more--both in this weird internet world and offline in my real life.
So here I am.
I have a new series of blogs I am working on. I cannot quite decide how frequently I will write one, but right now I am aiming for one or two a month. The series will be focused on my artistic vision, my creative soul, my body of work that represents ME--kind of like a behind the scenes look at what I’m doing and why.
That series (title currently pending) will “premiere” the beginning of next month, so be sure to check back here. It is going to be terrifying but that is how I know it will be worth it.